The New Year for Bull Protettore - Drunk and disorderly

Bull Protettore is the hero of Seeking Angel by A J Burton which has seven 5 star reviews at Amazon.com

This is one of A J Burton's memories - the policeman's perspective.

New Year's Eve changed for me after I became a policeman.

As a young guy I did all the things you do in the wildness of youth: drank too much, smoked too much, fell over and woke up saying. "What a night! If only I could remember what happened? Sure by asking friends I could build up a foggy account of what may have happened but was it fact or fiction? I couldn't say.

For ten years as a policeman I could expect any New Years Eve leave to be cancelled. Single policemen were sent to the traditionally wild holiday resorts while we married men filled the breaches at home.

I often saw funny things and laughed watching drunks making total asses of themselves and recalling my own mis-spent youth. However holidays were also times when people died and were maimed in car accidents, fights, and drunken domestic squabbles. For ten years as a police officer I was totally sober and working hard. I never got to celebrate the New Year coming in.

I remember the drunkest man I ever saw still standing one New Year's Eve. The sergeant ordered me to carry out a sobriety test as Mr Jones was drunk in charge of a motor vehicle. I did my best to test the fellow, I made him try to walk a straight line in the constable's room at the police station. I should have used another room as the man lurched to one side and his head crashed into one of the square cubbyholes where we kept our files.

How his head managed to enter this cubbyhole with the accuracy of a sniper's bullet was amazing. What was even more astounding was that once his head was in the cubbyhole I could not get it out, despite pulling on his shoulders.

The drunk screamed out. "I have gone blind, help me!"

The sergeant came in to check all was well and saw Mr Jones bent at the hips with his head in the cubbyhole. Standing behind him pulling on his body I appeared to be performing some sort of unnatural act upon him.

"I can't get him out." I explained.

Together we managed to drag his head out at great cost to Mr Jones. The sergeant maintained his head had fitted into the cubbyhole so it should be safe to yank it out.

My drunk fellow then proceeded to vomit on the floor, slipped in it and fell face first into the mess. Now if I had written a comedy script about the incident it could not have been funnier and Mr Jones provided my New Year's Eve comedy for free.

After those years on the police I seemed to lose the zest for celebrating New Years Eve somehow. Was it because I became a cynic and regarded the whole celebration as a pain in the ass? Probably.

This year for the first time in many years, all my four sons are in the country at the same time and this will be the happiest New Year's Eve of all.

Birthdays, Christmas, New Years Eve are they worth more than daily celebrating the biggest gift of all?  

To me the simple daily act of living life is truly the greatest celebration of all!

Bull Protettore is the hero of Seeking Angel which has seven 5 star reviews at Amazon.com

The Detectives Bull and Tommy work on a Sunday

Sample Sunday from Seeking Angel by A J Burton - Chapter 3.

Detective Angelo Protettore known to all his colleagues as Bull, sipped his coffee from a paper cup. He was careful not to crush it while his partner of a few weeks, Detective Thomas Delaney, careened around the precinct in their squad car.

Bull’s partner sat bolt upright in the driver’s seat, his large hands gripping the wheel like he wanted to strangle it. Tommy was having his usual daily dose of road rage. It was almost comical to watch.

Tommy hit the horn, venting his spleen at no one in particular. “Jeez! Who said New York taxi drivers are the worst in world? It’s the rest of the road-hogging morons that get my goat!” said Tommy. “You got that coffee under control, Bull? That little cup looks pretty fragile in your big mitts.”

“Well, it might help if you relaxed a little bit, you dumb Irish prick.”

“I can’t. Why are we still doing this shit?”

Bull squeezed his cup as they tail-spun round a corner. “Because this is New York, buddy. It’s broke, just like you and me. We are on missing persons detail because we are the unclean and unwanted from the precinct. But at least we’re employed.”

“Ok, I get the hint.” Tommy relaxed his death grip on the steering wheel. “Don’t go thinking I am going soft but when you’re right, you’re right. You know the Captain wants us to fail. I know I am an embarrassment to the department.” He broke into a fair imitation of the precinct head. “You’re a cynical, violent, foul-mouthed man with an attitude problem whereas your new partner is just plain violent. It’s only a matter of time before either one or both of you screw ups gets himself so deep in the shit even the blessed saint of assholes won’t be able to help.” said Tommy.

“Yeah, the Captain’s a peach, isn’t he? Still, he’s got a point; we just gotta stick together and back each other up. I - Look out!” shouted Bull.

“Son of a bitch!” yelled Tommy.

Rubber squealed and smoked as the heavy squad car pulled to a shuddering stop, slamming both men into their seatbelts and sluicing Bull’s coffee onto his crotch.

“Jeez, Tommy!” Bull found himself talking to thin air. His partner had already leapt from the vehicle. Tommy yanked open the driver’s door of a stationary Volvo in front of them. What followed was a tirade of some of the worst language Bull had ever heard. Tommy, in the process of checking the man’s driver’s license, managed to insult his heritage, ancestry, driving skills and his chances of surviving the week. Then as quickly as his temper flared, Tommy seemed to lose interest, as all the driver’s documents seemed to be in order.

“Okay, have a nice day, you moron.” Tommy strode back to the vehicle before mashing himself into the driver’s seat slamming the door so hard the whole car shuddered.

“You feel better now?” Bull said. “You owe me another coffee. Plus, we gotta go back to my place. I need to change my pants and check for third degree burns on me balls.”

Tommy sighed. “Sorry. Okay, we’ll get some clean threads for you, and then I’ll spot us a meal. Screw what’s her name; she’s only been missing a couple of weeks. And she’s probably shacked up with some dope smoking prick anyway.” said Tommy, putting the car into drive.

“Right, only I don’t think the Captain would be particularly pleased with that attitude. Shit, forget my pants they’ll dry on the way over. Turn the heater on.” said Bull.

Tommy did an illegal U-turn and sped away. “I hate it when you’re right, I wasn’t hungry anyway. Still, two detectives with our experience doing this crap is just an insult. Bad enough we are working on a fucking Sunday.” said Tommy.