Tommy was killing time until
his shift ended, typing with an enthusiasm that bordered on dereliction of duty
and at the speed of someone with chronic arthritis. Every few seconds he
glanced at his wristwatch in the forlorn hope that time would somehow speed
leap the mechanism so he could leave.
The sound of the squad room
door opening and shutting broke the tedium as his partner Detective Bull
Protettore, walked in.
“What’s happening Bull?” said
Tommy his fingers leaving the keyboard like it was infected with the plague.
“Nothing much, same ole, same
ole, did you get the note about conserving paper from the captain?”
“Yep! I would have wiped my ass with it and saved
some bog paper if it wasn’t such poor quality. I have had it with this we gotta
go green shit!" said Tommy spinning
around in his office chair. "Man made global warming is the biggest load
of crap since the Y2K bug, bird flu, mad cow disease, and I never had sex with
that woman. Not to mention a hundred other things the fuckwit scientists have claimed
they have almost discovered, so they
can suck on the titty of UN Funding for a few more years!”.
“Well the world’s climate
seems to be changing according to the news reports,” said Bull sitting down and
logging onto his computer. “According to scientific reports, winters are going
to get warmer and summers hotter, with more droughts.”
“Yeah like the incredible
fucking heat wave of December, January of 2010. I got a hernia and a slipped
disk from shoveling all that fucking sunshine off my car for two months. Didn’t
some over paid, dipshit of a scientist tell us snow will become something our
children won’t remember?”
“According to 97% of the
world’s climate scientists the world is warming and man is causing it. After
all they are experts in the field. Those are high numbers Tommy”
“Well whoopee shit, Bull! 100%
of Christian priests think Jesus is the son of God, and 100% of Muslims believe
Muhammad is a prophet of God. Those are even better numbers. But one or both
must be wrong. How many priests would still have a job if they went around
saying God isn’t true and Jesus was just a misunderstood carpenter?" Tommy
drew breath before continuing his tirade. "Hey Bull you ever see a list of
names of those 97% of climate scientists? Does a list of 'em even exist? I mean
those hysterical bed wetter’s wouldn’t have a job if they didn’t at least
pretend their theories were even close to the truth.” Tommy threw up his hands.
“Your fucked up logic has a
curious way of screwing up my arguments,” said Bull scratching his head.
“I tell you Bull their
predictions are just that: guess work, forecasts, speculation and what ifs!
Look how those greenie, tree hugging, sandal wearing, dope smoking pricks
convinced governments to build those useless wind powered generators. They are
either shutting them down because there is no
wind, or because there is too much
wind. When they are spinning, they
are mowing down the birdlife like fucking gigantic Gatling guns. Now we have those
Chevy volts; how un-American are those retarded pieces of worthless crap. You would
be better off driving to work on a ride on lawn tractor and at 90% less cost."
Tommy pounded his hapless keyboard.
“So I guess you don’t believe
in manmade global warming then?” said Bull sarcastically. “Do you want a beer?
It’s nearly time to quit.”
“Beer, now there is a subject
worth spending research money on! Hey doesn’t beer have CO2 in it?” Tommy stood
and reached for his jacket.
“Yeah I guess so,” said Bull
also standing, logging his machine off.
“Well saw my legs off and call
me stumpy. Let’s go save the planet one bottle at a time.”
